Our patrolling days are over, and we just ate all the biscuits, We fought the pastry chef out of office, and showed the hep kids how to bake… Yours Truly… – The Gourgandines
It’s that time of the year again. Yup, you know what we’re talking about : 12 days of corny movies, devilish gift wrapping and pure food bonanza. Holy mother fucker, we just can’t get enough of Xmas ! This year we wanted to make our Christmas Biscuits unforgettable. And what’s more unforgettable than our favorite Swedish Black & White band, aka The Hives ? Knock Knock? Right ? Riiiight ?
We decided to twist the classic pepparkakor recipe and make a glorious ton of Pe*Pelle*kakor. Ready ? Steady ? Let’s go, bitches !
Christmas Biscuits: The Hives Pe*Pelle*Kakor
90g brown sugar
35g dark corn syrup / dark thick honey / maple syrup
1 tsp baking soda
3 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp ginger
2 tsp cardamom
1 tsp ground cloves
- Mix the flour, baking soda and spices.
- Heat the butter, brown sugar and molasses in a saucepan until the sugar completely melts.
- Gently add the egg and whisk. At this point the mixture should be as thick and smooth as Vigilante’s beard.
- Add the flour, spices and baking soda
- Place the dough in the fridge for at least 1 hour. Preheat your oven to 180°.
- Generously flour your work area. Break off a small portion of the dough and roll it very thin. It’s ready for cutting ! Let the fun begin, Go right ahead !
- Bake for approximately 12 minutes, don’t be an automatic schmuck and watch them as they can easily burn when overcooked.
- Let them cool down. Stay still. Don’t you dare eating them now !
- Important note for the spices : basically all you have to do is take a traditional recipe and double the quantities
50g egg whites
250g icing sugar
1 tbsp vanilla extract
A bit of lemon juice
Black food coloring
- Make some royal icing by putting on a tiara and mixing egg whites, sugar, vanilla and a few drops of lemon juice.
- Divide in two, add the food coloring.
- The key to a good result is consistency. Too thick? You’re doomed. Too runny? You’re fucked. Here’s a trick : drag a knife through your royal icing and see how many seconds it takes for it to blend back together. If you hit 12 seconds, your icing is ready to use! If it’s too thick, add additional water, about 1 teaspoon at a time until you’ve reached the consistency you need. If it’s too liquid, you may add some more sugar.
- Last but not least, you’ll need a paper cone. You’re lucky we’re still in our Season’s Greetings mood, love and help each other and all that crap so here is a very useful tutorial. Now decorate your crispy spicy jewels . Unleash your inner Pelle !
Plan B for failed Christmas Biscuits
The last time you tried to decorate christmas biscuits with royal icing things did not really turned out as you expected and everyone asked why you let your cat regurgitate on it?
Don’t worry sweetie, it’s OK. You’re not alone. You’re here so you’re way smarter and way cooler than average, we’re gonna help you get through this. Hopefully, internet is full of resources. All you have to do is order this wonderful life-changing object to treat your loved ones with beautiful heart-warming messages PePelleKakor. Tadam:
Well, well, well, isn’t this a pure Xmas miracle ?
Got to go, we got to make 12 more batches and check out for The Hives new tour dates…